Addicted to Cycling?

January 3, 2014 by Stephen Auerbach - 2 Comments

You know the feeling.  You’re a bit cranky, on edge, dissatisfied with nearly everything, even the things and people that are great in your life.  Your belly feels too full, like you had eight thanksgiving dinners in a row. You think the best answer to your lo-energy vibe is more coffee.  Your eyes are bleery and blurry from too much computer screen gazing.  That’s right – then a bell goes off and you realize with perfect clarity:  “I better get on my bicycle if I want to save my soul – or at least the rest of the day!”   These are the warning signs.  If they describe you, then it’s no longer in doubt, you have a clinical condition.  You are “addicted to cycling.” The good news is that there are groups that can help you.  The bad news is that they are bicycle clubs and they will only further your addiction.  What to do?  You can’t run and you can’t hide, simple give in, and ride!!!

Here’s a very funny list of the signs that you are addicted to cycling.  Please visit the comments section and add your own.

Signs that you are Addicted To Cycling

You hear someone had a crash and your first question is “How’s the bike?”

Your wife tells you the only way she’ll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, “If that’s the case, you’ll be my first speed bump!”

You have stopped even trying to explain to your other half why you need more than one bike…you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.

You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.

You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your new trainers.

You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

“Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries” is for you.

You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young thing ride by, and the first thing you check out is his or her bicycle.

You use wax on your chain, AND on your legs (boys).

Your first course when you eat out is a large banana split.

Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car’s odometer.

You wear your bike shorts swimming.

Your bikes are worth more than your car.

You buy a people-carrier and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.

When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

You have more bike jerseys than low-cut tops.

You take your bike along when you shop for a car – just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

You clean your bike(s) more often then your house.

You put your bike in your car and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 3 (or better).

You regard inter-gender discussion of your genital pain/size/shape/utility as normal.

Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.

You can tell your other half, with a straight face that it’s too hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

Your kids bring a rear derailleur to “Show & Tell”.

Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn’t refer to the latest Playboy centrefold, but that new gear ratio you were considering.

You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.

There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead…

You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

You smile at your evening date, and she politely points out that you seem to have bugs in your teeth.

You can’t seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don’t have any problems at all meeting your mates at 6:30 AM for a hundred-miler.

Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between Presta and Schrader.

You’re too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.